


Darker

by orphan_account



Category: Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Hospitalization, Hospitals, M/M, Nobody is Dead, POV Second Person, Romantic Soulmates, Soul Bond, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Tattoos
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-10-22 12:40:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10697214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Everyone is born with a name in black font, their soulmate's name. When that lets dies, or their heart stops, the name turns red.TRIGGER WARNING: Suicide attempt, but no major character death. I can promise you that I didn't kill off any of the Les Amis.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this Tumblr post: http://otpprompts.tumblr.com/post/159386651241/au-where-everyone-has-their-soulmate-name-written

As soon as you are eighteen, you have the name of the person you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with. You don't actively seek him out (your first mistake; you later blame yourself for what happened), unlike most of your friends. Jehan was delighted to have their name. They sought out the name immediately, and had _almost_ found him in time. The name 'Montparnasse' had turned bright red on the day Jehan was about to travel to Bruges to meet him. They had talked about their muscles tensing as soon as they felt their soulmate in danger, then a burning feeling. Then, seconds later, they felt as though their soul had snapped in two.

They are not to blame, but it didn't stop them from spiralling into severe depression. You hated seeing Jehan this way; normally they were happy, writing poetry on their friends' arms, and, in one case, Combeferre's face. You had found out the cause of death. He had died in a car crash. You don't want that to happen to your soulmate, even if you had never met him. The sudden death of Montparnasse had made you consider finding the name on your wrist. Combeferre, your best friend, had then found his soulmate, three months after the death, which had made up your mind for you; you were going to start searching. By then, Jehan had recovered a lot more. Their smiles were strained, always forced, but they didn't have sudden anxiety attacks. At least none you were aware of.

The person on your wrist knew you. Unlike you, he had looked for you. He had found you, and recognised you on sight. Grantaire had frowned, confused. He didn't understand why you had looked for him. He thought you were happier without him.

Then Courfeyrac met him. They bonded almost straight away, the type of effect only Courfeyrac has on people. You admire him for that; without Courfeyrac, it is unlikely that Grantaire ever would have visited him again. You are also ashamed to feel a slight envy that Grantaire took a liking to Courfeyrac instead of you, but you push it down as much as you can.

You know that you love him, but you know that he doesn't love you.

Being 'just friends' with your soulmate is difficult. Impossible, almost, but you managed. You never have to force a smile; Grantaire never failed to bring a smile to your face, no matter how angry, sad or frustrated you would be at that moment.

 

_You hear the door open, and see Jehan enter, tears in their eyes. You haven't seen them that distressed since the death of their soulmate. They take one glimpse at you, then wrap their soft arms around your shaking frame. They tell you that he will be okay, that he will survive this. You don't reply with words, only clinging on more desperately to the small person besides you._

 

Then you notice things. You strongly regret seeing them sooner (and you blame yourself for that also). The sleeplessness, the constant downturn to his lips. He stops drawing, loses interest in everything he once held dear. His temper is shorter. He snaps at you often- not that you don't deserve getting shouted at. You are often described as harsh, or even cruel by others that don't know you as well. He apologizes after, true sorrow in his eyes. He wonders why you put up with him. He described himself as useless. That was when you knew.

Combeferre and Jehan knew, too. They always know, sharp eyes and clever minds. You're angry, but at yourself; you didn't notice, you didn't notice your own soulmate's sadness. 

You then realise you don't deserve a soulmate, not one as amazing and brilliant as Grantaire. You don't tell anyone this.

 

_"I'm so fucking sorry, Enjolras." Jehan whispers against your chest. You know your arms are shaking. You know you've been crying for the past half hour, and Jehan knows this too. Your grip on Jehan is vice like, and you know it must be painful, so you let them go._

 

You were in a meeting when it happened. The subconscious feeling of dread, twisting painfully at your stomach, blocking the air and forming an awkward lump in your throat. The name hadn't turned red, not yet. You stopped mid-sentence, then dropped all of the books in your arms.

You have never ran so fast in your life.

 

_The name your arm is red and burning painfully. His heart had stopped, but he was still breathing. He was lucky, increadibly lucky, to still be alive. It is now a matter of waiting. If the name becomes black again, you know he will be alive. If you feel something snap, you know he had stopped breathing during the operation on his stomach._

_You don't know what you would do if Grantaire never wakes up._

 

His apartment is thankfully in a two-minute walking distance, but you aren't walking. You are speeding as though your life depends on it (because it does; you know you would waste away at the death of your soulmate). You arrive in fifty two seconds, heart hammering and eyes blurring slightly. The name isn't burning, not yet. There is a woman leaving. She holds the door open for you, then asks for your name and what floor you live in. You ignore her, speeding up to the third floor. 

The door was unlocked. The soulmate mark didn't burn. Not yet. You shout his name, and get no response. You didn't expect one. For one quick, horrible, heart-wrenching second, you think that he isn't there. A groan of pain dismisses your suspicions, and for a single second you feel a flash of relief. Then you remember the situation you're in.

You fumble for your phone, calling an ambulance. Your voice shakes as you give the address and what was assumed to have happened. You know it is an overdose. You blame yourself for this. If you had talked to him sooner, then maybe he wouldn't of-

 

 _There was a note. He had left four. One was addressed to Jehan, the other to you, the other to everyone else in Les Amis. The fourth note was written to someone named 'Éponine'. You don't know her, but you know she was important enough to get a separate letter. You pass Jehan's to them, and they open it. They read it over three times, tears falling onto the paper. They let out a watery sigh, then carefully fold up the lined paper and put it back into the envelope. You aren't ready to read yours yet. The handwriting is shaky, as though it pained him to write this. You feel frustrated; you know you could of prevented this. You didn't know that this was coming, but you know you could have done_ something.

 

The ambulance pulled up three minutes after. The throbbing in your head had increased when you saw him, empty container of pills next him. He was unconscious. You were knelt besides Grantaire when they charged into the apartment, three men with a stretcher (and one of them had a body bag, almost as though they expected him to be dead). It took them sixty seconds, which felt like days, to place him into the ambulance. 

Jehan had tracked you down, and had just arrived to the scene. Their eyes widened with realisation, and they stopped walking completely. Then they ran, pulled you into a tight embrace. You stood still. You were shell-shocked, you couldn't move. You felt as though your lungs had collapsed, as though you couldn't breath. Then the burning started.

 

_"Is it better?" Jehan asked. You nod, not trusting your voice. The burning was still there, but not as extreme as it originally was. You close your eyes tightly. Combeferre had been called fifteen minutes ago. He sent no reply, most likely speeding towards the hospital. You stare unblinkingly, at the red name._

 

Jehan pulls at you gently, leading you into the vehicle. It is a smaller car, obviously used to transport friends and family to the hospital. Your legs are weak and shaking. Your wrist feels as though it is on fire. Just you and Jehan are sat in the back, silent. They hold onto your arm, grip tight but not painful. You are asked questions, such as if this had happened before, or if he knew the family or his soulmate. Without hesitation, you roll up your sleeve and reveal the name. The paramedic nods, softening as soon as she is shown this. You know, distantly, that the car is moving, but you don't feel it.

 

_"Enjolras." Combeferre says as soon as he enters. Courfeyrac is behind him. He rushes forward, pulling you into a strong hug. Your breathing is shaky._

_"The burning has stopped." You whisper, voice rough. There is still that potent feeling of danger, but you don't feel as though you are on fire. This is a good sign, but you don't feel any happiness in this. Combeferre presses you against his chest._

 

You are sent into a hospital waiting room besides the Critical Condition Ward in Rouant Vie Hospital. There are only two others there, but neither are pacing the room nervously. They give him sympathetic looks. Jehan had gone to call Combeferre. Eventually you werw able to settle on the seats closest to the door. You know that this way, you would be able to travel quicker if called in.

 

Combeferre sighed, eventually letting you go, instead hugging Jehan. Courfeyrac replaces Combeferre, arms steady. You are told that the others were notified. You are on edge, tense. Then a umber-haired girl marches into the ward, serious and panicking eyes.

"Are you Enjolras?" She asks, voice uneven. You nod. She crosses over the room to the seats where you and your friends sit, and promptly slaps you. You are surprised, but do nothing in retaliation. Your cheek stings fiercely, so you place your hand over it, which has no beneficial effect. Combeferre stands up quickly between them.

"You've been the shittiest soulmate. Not once did you try and act like any normal soulmate would, what the fuck were you thinking?" She seethes, glaring at you. You think she is going to attack again, but Courfeyrac blocks her path. Whoever she was, she was right; you should have done more.

"You have no idea, whoever you are. He's been pining for  _months,_ and is an absolute _idiot_. He didn't know that Grantaire cared for h-"

"Cared for?" She growls at Courfeyrac. "That man practically adored him. It was obvious, and I haven't even seen them together."

" _Exactly._ You haven't seen them together, you didn't see the way Enjolras looked at him-"

" _Quiet, both of you_." Jehan snapped sharply. Both fell silent, looking equally guilty. Then the girl meets your eyes.

"Sorry. I'm worried sick about him, I shouldn't of hit you without knowing everything. I know you care about him, you're in a worse state than I expected. You must of cared about him a lot." She seems rueful enough to be considered sincere, eyes wide and bottom lip bitten. Combeferre gives her a blatantly suspicious look before excepting the fact that she won't dive across and try to kill you. He leads Courfeyrac away to the seats besides Jehan, and the girl takes the seat next to you.

"I'm Éponine." She eventually says, eyes cast down. After the initial anger had died down, she was now almost as worried as you; pulling at her hair, biting her nails, staring into space, and clawing at her face and arms. You give her the letter.

"Oh, god. He really thought this through." She mutters, closing her eyes. She furiously swipes at her eyes, rubbing her purple eye shadow. She opens her eyes again, staring at you.

 "This is horrible. I just..." You begin, then trail off. She nods in agreement. You look at the name. It was black font once again.

"Enjolras?" 

"Yes?" You ask immediately, jumping up to your feet.

"He's ready to have visitors."

"Go on alone. I need to read... This."

You leave Éponine, Jehan and the other two. They seemed to agree with the fact that you needed to go alone first. The man leads you to him. He explains. While they were operating on him, his heart had stopped twice, but he survived. The man had a grin expression on his face as he explains this to you.

You enter the room.

You inhale sharply. There were wires, several of them, attached to Grantaire. He was pale, and had bloodshot eyes and veins standing out stronger than usual. He stiffens at seeing you, avoids your eyes. He shouldn't feel guilty, not when it was your fault. You walk towards him, slowly, as though looking for permission.

"You look terrible." He says, but doesn't even attempt a smile.

"So do you." 

You are now besides the bed. Your hands are shaking too much, so you clasp onto the metal frame of the hospital bed. He has dark circles under his eyes. You grimace. He looks as though he had been hit by three cars. You watch him, and he stares back. Eventually, you break the silence.

"Please... Never do this again." You whisper, voice raw with emotion. His hand reaches out and holds onto yours.

"I promise."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Letter.

_Enjolras,_

_I want to start of by saying I'm sorry. So fucking sorry. I know that the apology I've given ~~isn't good enough~~ won't make you forgive me. I hope you understand why I've said sorry. I'm not sorry for going. Just breathing, or existing was getting to tiring. I'm sorry for making others hurt. I don't want to hurt anyone ~~especially you~~._

_I can't rewrite this, even if it's ~~shitty~~ not as good as it could have been. Sorry for making you read my handwriting. It would have been better if I had written this on computer._

_You might be wondering why I did this. Things just went wrong too many times. It happens._

_I know you noticed my behaviour changes. I also know that you tried to change, acting completely different. You've distanced yourself from me. Jehan's told me why, too. I ~~can't~~ don't hate you. You're my soulmate; I could never hate you. Not like you  ~~hated~~ disliked me. I think you were disappointed in me for not being  ~~who you wanted~~   ~~~~who you expected. I've loved you before you met me._

_My tenses are all messed up. I love you, and always will. But it's 'loved' now._

_Sorry for putting you through a Soul Break. Even if you don't care for me, you'll still feel pain._

_Éponine is ~~struggling~~ not as lucky as others. She has two younger siblings to look after. If you could, could you give her all I have? Possessions are passed onto Soulmates, if they have met, or family. She's my family, not biological, but close enough._ _She will refuse at first, she's stubborn that way._

_I know what I'm doing. I've tried this before, three times. Thirteen, fifteen, then seventeen. All three times Éponine had found me. Tell her it isn't her fault. It never is, never has been._

_Could you hug Jehan for me? And look out for them, please. They've been through enough._

_I hope you can forgive me._

_I love you._

_  
_

_Grantaire._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for commenting :) The Letter, as you requested. If you want, you could ask for Éponine's, or Jehan's, or Les Amis.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Éponine's Letter.

_Éponine,_

_It feels weird, writing this for the fourth time. It must feel strange reading this, too. I'm sorry for leaving you and Gavroche like this. And Alzelma. Gavroche is old enough to know. He would be able to guess, regardless. Alzelma can't know. She's too young._

_Don't blame Enjolras. You know what it's like, to have a soulmate who doesn't love you back, but cares for you. Sorry for saying that, bitch move, right? Marius is like Enjolras, except more innocent. Sorry for bringing that up in this, but know that he loves you deeply, but as a sister._

_Also, I'm sorry for leaving you like this and being a general fuck-up. But don't worry, even if you don't have me there anymore, you still have Gav. He'd rather beat the living shit out of his own soulmate than see anything bad happen to you or Alzelma._

_Don't tell my father what happened. He already thinks I'm messed up for having a male soulmate, so adding suicide into the mix would make things shittier than they already are._

_If you want to know the reason why, it's just because I'm tired. Of everything, really, but mostly because I'm sick of my own bullshit and exhausted of my drama._

_Éponine, you need to find happiness, because you deserve that in your life._

_I swear that if this fails again, I might actually laugh at how ridiculous this has become._

_-Taire_


	4. Jehan's letter

_Jehan,_   


_Hey._

_Let me start of by saying sorry. I've done many selfish things before, but leaving you permanently really tops all other things. I'm_ _~~an asshole~~ not the friend that you deserve. You deserve someone like Éponine, someone who won't abandon you because they're too wrapped up in their own petty struggles to notice the brilliant things they have in their lives._

_I'm talking about myself in that sentence._

_You're the brilliant thing in my life._

_Jehan, you're a wonderful person. I know for a while, this might hurt, but I need you to find happiness again, or I'll ~~hate myself even more for making you sad~~ come back as a ghost and haunt you until you're happy. I hope I made you laugh with that. Or smile. You need to smile more, and not your fake one, either. I know the differences between them. Your fake smile is the one you wear around Combeferre and Courfeyrac, because they are happy together and I know you want that in your life. You deserve that in your life. But your real smile is one of the most  ~~beautiful~~   ~~amazing~~ brilliant things I've ever seen. I've seen pictures of you before that happened. You look much younger in them, even if they were about a year ago._

_I hope you can find happiness again. Proper happiness, before any death or depression, because you looked so goddamn happy in that picture it made me_ ~~_jealous_ ~~ _angry that it was ripped away from you so harshly. You deserve nice things. I hope you connect with Éponine. She understands more than you'll know about. Also, look out for Enjolras. I'm asking you this because if I ask Éponine, she'd kill him. You know what Enjolras is like. "I need to look after the world because France is part of the world and I wish France was my soulmate ~~instead of that useless piece of shit~~." I hope that also made you laugh or smile. Because you should be happy._

_Smile more, mon chéri,_

_Grantaire xx_

__


	5. Jehan's letter

_Jehan,_

_Hey._

_Let me start of by saying sorry. I've done many selfish things before, but leaving you permanently really tops all other things. I'm_ _~~an asshole~~ not the friend that you deserve. You deserve someone like Éponine, someone who won't abandon you because they're too wrapped up in their own petty struggles to notice the brilliant things they have in their lives._

_I'm talking about myself in that sentence._

_You're the brilliant thing in my life._

_Jehan, you're a wonderful person. I know for a while, this might hurt, but I need you to find happiness again, or I'll ~~hate myself even more for making you sad~~ come back as a ghost and haunt you until you're happy. I hope I made you laugh with that. Or smile. You need to smile more, and not your fake one, either. I know the differences between them. Your fake smile is the one you wear around Combeferre and Courfeyrac, because they are happy together and I know you want that in your life. You deserve that in your life. But your real smile is one of the most  ~~beautiful~~   ~~amazing~~ brilliant things I've ever seen. I've seen pictures of you before that happened. You look much younger in them, even if they were about a year ago._

_I hope you can find happiness again. Proper happiness, before any death or depression, because you looked so goddamn happy in that picture it made me_ ~~_jealous_ ~~ _angry that it was ripped away from you so harshly. You deserve nice things. I hope you connect with Éponine. She understands more than you'll know about. Also, look out for Enjolras. I'm asking you this because if I ask Éponine, she'd kill him. You know what Enjolras is like. "I need to look after the world because France is part of the world and I wish France was my soulmate ~~instead of that useless piece of shit~~." I hope that also made you laugh or smile. Because you should be happy._

_Smile more, mon chéri,_

_Grantaire xx_

 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments would be lovely. This is my first attempt at angst, so feedback would be very much appreciated. If I romanticised this, please honestly tell me, as that was *not* my goal, because suicide isn't pretty or beautiful.
> 
> By the way, my name is Satan. Yes, I have gotten myself a Archive account to torment people with my angst. Next stop; Johnlock! (Cackles)


End file.
